think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
