Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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