These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
