Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
