I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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