what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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