There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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