You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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