Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
