billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
