Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
