just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
