when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
