He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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