I just pynch a tree in the face
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
