There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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