you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
