Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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