Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wish you could order shots online.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Come see our sink grown plant.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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