Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
