That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
