Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
