The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The air was thick with penises
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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