I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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