Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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