Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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