I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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