He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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