how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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