This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
