he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
