Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
