Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I wear drunk well.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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