Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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