i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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