the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
