I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
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my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I have aggressive nipples.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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