And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
