remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
