Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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