I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
