she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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