Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I touched a dick in church today
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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