you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
