yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
