tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
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We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
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I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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