I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So vagazzling was a success
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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