I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
