; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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