Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
you made out with another girl for some wings
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
