I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Houston, we have a blender
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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