I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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