Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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