....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
