I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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