We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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