So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
