Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
