Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
