I cockslap morals
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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