i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
