Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
