I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
