Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
