Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
