I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
