She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
