youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
