We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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