just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
