4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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