You're earring is so big in my mouth
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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