i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
